Japanese student Joke

It was the first day of school and a new student, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said "Give me Liberty, or give me Death?"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who had his hand up. Answer

"Very good! Who said "Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?"
Again, no response except from Suzuki:
answer

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country knows more about its history than you do." She heard a loud whisper: "F###ing Japanese." "Who said that?" she demanded. Suzuki put his hand up
answer .

At that point, a student in the back sighed, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Suzuki says,
answer

Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? S##k this!" Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher,
answer

 

Turtle and the hare Joke

The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive rowing race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day they both felt ready.

The Japanese won by a mile!

Afterward, the American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommend corrective action.

The consultants' finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the American team had one person rowing and eight people steering.

After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the consulting firm concluded that too many were steering and not enough were rowing on the American team.

So, as race day neared again the following year, the American team's structure was complete reorganized. The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering managers, one staff steering manager and a new performance review system for the person rowing the boat to provide work incentive.

This year, the Japanese won by TWO miles.

Humiliated, the American corporation laid off the rower for poor performance and gave the managers a bonus for discovering the problem.

The following year the American team bought a new "off the shelf" racing team. One top American manager was recently heard stating that "racing wasn't part of our core competencies, so we brought in contractors to help us compete in a world wide market/race ".

After many months of deliberation, and the race fast approaching, the new staff reorganization quickly became . . . four steering managers, three area steering managers, one staff steering manager and now one project steering leader to oversee the racing contractors. Plus, of course, the 8 additional racing contractors who will actually compete in the race, but they don't really count in Corporate America . . . .

This year, the Japanese won by default, the American racing team sunk three minutes into the race. A top American manager was overheard stating "I don't understand, they said we could just plug 'em in, that they could race in any boat".

Although it's early in the planning for next year's race, rumor has it the Americans are buying a new boat that is more compatible with the vendor's system of racing expertise. A new boat acquisitions manager was hired to work on the details.

 

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I worked for "Bank of America" for over 20 years as Systems Engineer. Mainly I built, maintained, and reported "Customer Profitability System" for commercial banking division using "NOMAD" database management system on IBM/VM mainframe. BofA went through many mergers and acquisitions. Most positions were moved to new headquarter in Charlotte North Carolina and various places in offshore. The result of that, many of legacy BofA employees were laid off (except branch, sales, and marketing). So I understand the joke very well.

Note: Authors of above Jokes are unknown. Credited who wrote them.

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Non-Japanese Humor

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. (Socrates - Greek)

You got to be careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there. (Yogi Berra - American)

I know you think you understood what I said, but what you heard was not what I meant. (Robert McCloskey - American)

Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement. (Mark Twain - American)

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. (Groucho Marx - American)

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. (Woody Allen - American)

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who cannot remember where they left things. (Woody Allen)

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all. (Woody Allen)

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly. (Woody Allen)

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post "Thou shalt not steal", Thou shalt not commit adultery" and "Thou shalt not lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment. (George Carlin - American)

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? (George Carlin)

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house. (George Burn - American)

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender. (Rodney Dangerfield - American)

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. (Rodney Dangerfield)

I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am. (Francis Bacon - English)

The animals that depend on instinct have an inherent knowledge of the laws of economics and of how to apply them; Man, with his powers of reason, has reduced economics to the level of a farce which is at once funnier and more tragic than Tobacco Road. (James Thurber - American)

There must be more to life than having everything! (Maurice Sendak - American. )

The gap in our economy is between what we have and what we think we ought to have - and that is a moral problem, not an economic one. (Paul Heyne - American)

 

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